I finally finished reading the book Christian Meditation by James Finley. As I was finishing it up two
words stuck out to me nonjudgmental
compassion. In the book he is referring to how critical we can be in
mediation in relation to how distracted we can become; our racing minds,
unsettled body movements, and not obtaining any spiritual consolations. Contemplating this concept encouraged me to
think beyond the discussed distractions, instead, focusing on how it relates to
me in other contexts. In my profession I am trained to provide unconditional positive
regard to my clients, in that no matter what they say or do I will remain
accepting and nonjudgmental. This can allow a certain sense of freedom for the
client to be able to address deep hurts and wounds. However, the second the
client leaves I have to stop myself from being overly judgmental and critical
of myself. Thoughts start to race in my head… did I show that I was tired, did I
ask the right questions, is this even helpful, am I even good at this… How is
it that I can actively convey nonjudgmental compassion to my client’s but not to
me? How many of us strive to convey nonjudgmental compassion to our children,
parents, spouses, co-workers but the second it involves ourselves we are our
worst critics, it’s like we feel we are not even worth nonjudgmental compassion
or any compassion at all. But we are!!!
First let’s define compassion, James Finley a fellow
therapist describes it as the “love that recognizes and goes forth to identify
with the preciousness of all that is lost and broken within ourselves and
others.” When we have nonjudgmental compassion we are able to look at our
weakness, faults, failings, and brokenness and not further criticize those
parts, but lovingly approach them, accepting them in the moment. When I am
feeling inadequate at my job I need to lovingly accept where I am at, still
learning, still gaining experience and then let it go; surrender it to God. How
many of us, especially when it comes to health and fitness goals, let our
feelings of impatience and frustration with ourselves overcome us. There are feelings
of frustration which are entirely understandable, especially when habits
persist in spite of our best efforts to overcome them. As we continue to work
towards our goals a subtle violence against ourselves starts that is fueled by
our impatience for every extra calorie and every workout missed, which in turn
makes us want to give up all together. How many of us have forgone dreams and
goals because of our impatience with our own brokenness. If this is familiar it’s
time to start being compassionate towards yourself.
The one person who practices perfect nonjudgmental compassion
constantly is our loving Heavenly Father. He’s not just this way only some of
the time, but He is ALWAYS seeing us and speaking to us in this way. In order to start being “nonjudgmental
compassionate” towards ourselves, we need to reflect on how perfect in every
moment our Father is seeing us with loving nonjudgmental compassion. If you
need examples, go to scripture, read the passage about the Prodigal Son or when
Jesus dines with sinners, there are numerous instances of Jesus showing “nonjudgmental
compassion”. Reflect on those instances, talk with your loving, compassionate nonjudgmental
Father about them as well as how they speak to your heart; share your hurts and
brokenness with Him. Let him teach you how to be compassionate towards
yourself. Write what you hear down and revisit it when you start becoming
impatient and critical.
