NONJUDGMENTAL COMPASSION

I finally finished reading the book Christian Meditation by James Finley. As I was finishing it up two words stuck out to me nonjudgmental compassion. In the book he is referring to how critical we can be in mediation in relation to how distracted we can become; our racing minds, unsettled body movements, and not obtaining any spiritual consolations.  Contemplating this concept encouraged me to think beyond the discussed distractions, instead, focusing on how it relates to me in other contexts. In my profession I am trained to provide unconditional positive regard to my clients, in that no matter what they say or do I will remain accepting and nonjudgmental. This can allow a certain sense of freedom for the client to be able to address deep hurts and wounds. However, the second the client leaves I have to stop myself from being overly judgmental and critical of myself. Thoughts start to race in my head… did I show that I was tired, did I ask the right questions, is this even helpful, am I even good at this… How is it that I can actively convey nonjudgmental compassion to my client’s but not to me? How many of us strive to convey nonjudgmental compassion to our children, parents, spouses, co-workers but the second it involves ourselves we are our worst critics, it’s like we feel we are not even worth nonjudgmental compassion or any compassion at all. But we are!!!

First let’s define compassion, James Finley a fellow therapist describes it as the “love that recognizes and goes forth to identify with the preciousness of all that is lost and broken within ourselves and others.” When we have nonjudgmental compassion we are able to look at our weakness, faults, failings, and brokenness and not further criticize those parts, but lovingly approach them, accepting them in the moment. When I am feeling inadequate at my job I need to lovingly accept where I am at, still learning, still gaining experience and then let it go; surrender it to God. How many of us, especially when it comes to health and fitness goals, let our feelings of impatience and frustration with ourselves overcome us. There are feelings of frustration which are entirely understandable, especially when habits persist in spite of our best efforts to overcome them. As we continue to work towards our goals a subtle violence against ourselves starts that is fueled by our impatience for every extra calorie and every workout missed, which in turn makes us want to give up all together. How many of us have forgone dreams and goals because of our impatience with our own brokenness. If this is familiar it’s time to start being compassionate towards yourself.

The one person who practices perfect nonjudgmental compassion constantly is our loving Heavenly Father. He’s not just this way only some of the time, but He is ALWAYS seeing us and speaking to us in this way.  In order to start being “nonjudgmental compassionate” towards ourselves, we need to reflect on how perfect in every moment our Father is seeing us with loving nonjudgmental compassion. If you need examples, go to scripture, read the passage about the Prodigal Son or when Jesus dines with sinners, there are numerous instances of Jesus showing “nonjudgmental compassion”. Reflect on those instances, talk with your loving, compassionate nonjudgmental Father about them as well as how they speak to your heart; share your hurts and brokenness with Him. Let him teach you how to be compassionate towards yourself. Write what you hear down and revisit it when you start becoming impatient and critical.